By Any Other Name
by HarvestBeauty
Summary: How Larry's date with what's her name turned into a slapfest. From the episode Best Laid Plans. Ficlet.


"Reginald..." Dianne bit her lip in a shy and sexy manner as Larry sat back down onto the couch next to her.

"Didi..." Larry smirked, leaning in to kiss her.

"My name is Dianne." She giggled. She turned her head so that Larry ended up planting a kiss on her cheek instead of her lips. She then pouted at him, slightly hurt. "Don't you like my name? You keep calling me something else."

"I love your name. I think it's beautiful." Larry replied smoothly. Then he continued almost a little too cheerfully. "Hey, why don't we pretend to be other people?"

Dianne quirked an eyebrow at his idea.

"For instance, you can call me Larry..." Larry winked at her playfully. "And I can call you Debbie."

Dianne absentmindedly stared down at the floor as she thought about it, when something caught her attention out of the corner of her eye. A fat, brown mouse scurried under his coffee table from underneath the couch they were sitting on. As a blood curdling shriek ripped out of Dianne, the little critter scrambled out from under the table and across the room as fast as it could to get away from her siren-like wailing.

Larry was used to making women scream, but not like this. He flinched, jumping back in shock. His heart skipped about four beats and he placed a hand over it in a subconscious attempt to steady it.

"What's the matter?!" Larry asked her in horror, cringing from her ear splitting screams. The color had drained from his face.

"_There's a rat in here, Reggie!_" Dianne screamed at the top of her lungs, her eyes wild with fear. She hysterically pointed into the direction she saw it run last. "Please, go kill it!"

"Is that all?" Larry sighed in relief, rolling his eyes a little bit at her dramatics...and people thought that _he _was over the top. This girl was seriously giving him a run for his money. "It's not that big of a deal..."

"KILL IT!" Dianne demanded.

"I will, Donna, but there is no reason for you to be screaming like this!" Larry sighed, covering his ears as Dianne continued her unhinged and God awful cries. "Please try to calm down!"

It was no use. Dianne continued to freak out, screaming bloody murder and making Larry's ears ring. Larry's mind whirled as he desperately thought of a way to get her to shut up, when a solution came to him as clear as day. He'd seen it done in several movies while growing up...perhaps it would work in real life? Larry paused for a few seconds before putting his plan into action. He reached out and delivered a fairly hard, open palmed slap to Dianne's face.

It worked. Dianne went silent, all previous screaming dying in her throat. She had her head turned to the side and remained motionless since he slapped her. Slowly, her eyes widened and her mouth dropped open in shock. She began blinking rapidly and her face turned red. Her eyes then narrowed in rage.

Larry gently took her chin in his hand and turned her head to face him.

"There..." Larry smiled, sighing happily at his apparent 'cure' for her hysteria. He was totally oblivious to the daggers she was shooting out of her eyes. "Now, don't you feel better, Dorothy?"

Dianne began to shake in anger. She answered Larry's question by drawing her arm back and busting Larry across the chops as hard as she possibly could. The force of the blow sent Larry toppling off of the couch and crashing onto the floor in a heap, but not before bashing his head on his coffee table on the way down.

"Ouch!" Larry whined indignantly.

She got up and stomped over to his front door, leaving Larry writhing on the floor in agony.

"Wait, Daphne..." Larry called out in a daze.

"My name is _Dianne_!" She huffed, tossing her hair over her shoulder and storming out of his apartment. She slammed the door behind her.

Larry lay there for a few seconds before grasping the table and pulling himself up into a sitting position. He gingerly touched his face where she slapped him and then felt at the lump forming on his scalp where his head had connected to his table when he fell. This night certainly turned out differently than he had planned.

"Diane..." Larry said softly to himself, almost wistfully. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. Perhaps this was for the best, because he just could not be intimate with a girl who had that name. Even so, he made a vow to kill that little rodent the next time he saw it for ruining his date like this.

After a few moments, Larry climbed to his feet and straightened out his clothes. He headed for the kitchen in order to get some ice for his face.

THE END


End file.
